Who is in control?

Summary: Confidence is so important in all aspects of life, and many are stuck in a place of wanting more.  My experience as a Coach tells me you can be more confident.   It’s about choice.

It is fascinating how confidence lies underneath so many things.  I know now why I avoided starting this blog– I lack confidence that I can do the topic justice.  Confidence is both a primary determinant to how we feel about ourselves, and to human performance.  Just think about confidence and its link to life & performance:  in our relationships, our work, in academics, in sports.  Confidence is a very common topic for coaching clients.

Webster’s defines confidence as a feeling of self-assurance arising from one’s appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities : she’s brimming with confidence.   Ricardo Peixe defines it as “believing that one is able to accomplish what one sets out to do, to overcome obstacles and challenges.”
How does one approach the building of confidence?   I will refer to a few of my past blogs, ” The Simplest Coaching Tool”, and “What are your Voices Saying?” (Gremlins).   My view is that a helpful process begins with “noticing”. What is confidence for you?  When is it high?  What brings it down? What impacts it? How do others impact your confidence? Who controls it?  What is the link to the “gremlin”, the inner voice? What is really going on? What can you learn from noticing?

I ask you to recognize that you have a choice whether to be confident or not.  This is fundamental to improving confidence.  If you are not in control or choice, who is– your Gremlin?
Many say they lack confidence when addressing newer tasks and jobs.  This is human; but I feel it confuses competence with confidence. My question then becomes, “what prevents you from being confident that you don’t know how to do that thing?” The response to that question is often that telling period of silence, the “hmmmm…”
If you are trying to do more than you can possibly handle; or tasks that are new or extremely challenging, that challenges your competence– and also may challenge your confidence.  I ask you to be aware of the distinction.  What do you believe about your capability — and how is your confidence linked to that? What choices will you make?
Now what? There’s nothing like practice. Practice choosing to be more confident in your daily routine for short periods. What is upcoming that will challenge your confidence? What did you learn? What is the Gremlin saying now? Practice again.
Bottom Line: Look inside yourself. What is your capability?  Let yourself appreciate it, and believe in it. If you lack confidence, what is the cause? Consider the choice you are making to not be confident.  Who is making that choice– you or the Gremlin?

Homework: Define confidence for yourself. Start by paying attention to your confidence.  Consider your choices.  What can you practice and learn?

I suggest the web links below.
Buddhist view on confidence

Ricardo Piexe on Confidence
“No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.” — Eleanor Roosevelt

“Self-confidence is knowing that we have the capacity to do something good and firmly decide not to give up.” — His Holiness the Dalai Lama

Fun: Now for something completely weird.